LONELINESS

Loneliness

Kesendirian

We all have times when the chill of loneliness hits. Like a knife thrust into the stomach, feelings of emptiness, insecurity, rejection and isolation can send us reeling in pain and even incapacitate us.

“I’m lonely as I write these words, “Tears are okay to cleanse the spirit, but there is more to life then tears. There is a whole new world out there. A beautiful world, even if I have to travel it alone.”

Know that Loneliness is a State of Mind, Not a Life Sentence

Loneliness has surprisingly little to do with being alone. You could be hundreds of miles from the nearest human and bask in the blissful peace of solitude, or you could be a newly wed with your darling in your arms and find yourself plagued by the gnawing emptiness of loneliness.

Loneliness is depression resulting from an inability to cope with the fact of life that this side of heaven every one of us has times when our yearnings to be heard and understood and appreciated by another human are not met. No matter how loved and popular we are, we can have pain and heartache that no one else feels; fears and opinions that those close to us don’t share or understand; and times when we are separated from someone we yearn to be with.

I don’t have to react badly to this inescapable fact, even though my aloneness seems more severe than most people’s.

If you don’t like yourself, you are doomed never to like being alone. And you will drag your gloom into any future relationship.

It is usual for people who dislike themselves to wrongly imagine that other people will also dislike them. Expecting to be disliked and rejected, they tend to withdraw from people, thus perpetuating their loneliness. Some are barely aware that they deliberately sabotage relationships, driven by the presumption that it is less painful to push someone away rather than wait for what they wrongly suppose to be inevitable rejection. As a consequence, everyone involved ends up needlessly hurt.

If we don’t like ourselves, it means we are not seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. To say God thinks the world of us is an understatement. Jesus gave everything for us. No human has ever loved anyone with the intensity that God loves you. Yes, he sees room for improvement, but being God, he is powerful enough and loving enough to be working right now in your life, perfecting you. When you welcome the God of the impossible into your life, permitting him to have his beautiful way with you, you are a divine masterpiece under construction. If you have been born again, a spiritual transformation has exploded within you such that a lifetime isn’t nearly enough to catch up with all that has happened to you. For example, guilt about the past is simply an illusion you can ignore. Even if you currently find yourself enslaved by habits you despise, as God’s child you are destined to discover how to find victory through Christ.

As explained in To God You are Special, having God in your life not only means you are never without a companion who truly loves and understands you and believes in you, it means you have the power to enrich other people’s lives. Let God rule your conversations and direct your life and you need never shrink from people, thinking you have nothing to offer them. With the Almighty in your life, there can be no such thing as inadequacy. Reach out to people and you will be a continual source of blessing.

Avoid Dependency on Another Human for Your Own Happiness

To put responsibility for your happiness in someone else’s hand is a scary thought, unless that person happens to be always available, never fails, never changing yet never boring, all-wise, all-powerful, immortal, and is always unselfishly devoted to maximizing your long-term happiness. To expect such divine qualities from a human is to set yourself up for painful disappointment and it isn’t fair to the other person. Your happiness is your own responsibility.

Much of the pain of loneliness is nothing more than pining for things that only God can ever give. Hoping to find these qualities in a human, rather than in God, is like hoping to find refreshment in a mirage.

Discover Smile Power

No matter how unhappy you are, the very act of smiling triggers the brain to release chemicals that make you feel better. A smile also brightens your face, improving your looks better than almost any makeover. Moreover, smiling is a magnet that attracts people to you. People instinctively sidestep a person whose unsmiling face suggests he or she might be grumpy or angry or preoccupied. It makes them wary, heightening their own fear of rejection. Alternatively, when someone with a smile catches their eye, their defenses drop and they feel drawn to the person. They find themselves thinking, “Here is someone who will accept me; someone I can feel comfortable with.”

Your time of aloneness might not be your conscious choice, but if you hand it to God it can achieve much.

Avoid the “Poor me” Syndrome

It is alright to feel lonely. I feel it more often than not. We were divinely created with a need for human companionship that can be satisfied by nothing else. Not even a thrilling, fulfilling relationship with God is a complete substitute, any more than having a wonderful friend removes our longing for marriage. Just as God could miraculously eliminate our need for oxygen, he could eliminate our need for human companionship, but he rarely does, because we can bring eternal glory to ourselves by the way we respond to this longing.